


Troubles On His Mind

by fynndin



Category: Marvel, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: BDSM, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Hypnosis, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Steve Rogers, Shock, poor communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-26 14:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5007679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fynndin/pseuds/fynndin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Tony tend to be complicated characters, so Steve would not have been surprised at them not getting along. Still, the rat's nest he discovers by pure chance is far worse anything he ever dared to imagine and makes him question if he knows the Iron Man at all.</p><p>Maybe it had all been all a lie. Maybe he was blind. Or maybe Bucky was just the one thing that was missing to uncover the true pits of Tony's soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cracks Of The Past

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a posting schedule, but the gist of it all is written, so the rest of this fic should be up within say the next two weeks max. Probably a lot faster.
> 
> At some point I'll probably write down all my ideas of what is going on between Bucky and Tony outside of Steve's view. The fic somewhat explains it at the end but then again, not all of it by a long shot. I have some ridiculously detailed ideas of what is happening there. Maybe I'll post it on tumblr and put a link in the end notes or I'll write a ficlet with explicit and probably slightly disturbing content. We'll see.
> 
> Now have fun with this little disaster fic.
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not sorry.

Bucky's fingers were twitching, his face completely blank and his eyes opened just a tiny bit too wide to look neutral. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen, a shattered cup next to him and the coffee that was pooling around his feet was soaking his socks. Small puffs of steam rose up around his ankles but not even the heat could cause any reaction from him.

Steve was not an expert here, but he knew that every sudden change might set Bucky off, so he just stood there, frozen in place and frowning, trying to come up with an accurate way to snap his friend out of it. Apparently Bucky didn't process any visual data at the moment, since he clearly didn't see Steve right in front of him. Talking might startle him. Hell, anything could startle him. Steve's next movement could make him try to flee out of the window or attack with a butter knife. Steve swallowed.

Saying his name seemed like the best idea, but fear had glued Steve's lips together. What if Bucky did something, that would cause him to harm himself? Waiting might be the best, but Steve frankly couldn't stand watching him stand there, probably seeing nightmare after nightmare flicker across his inner eye. He gingerely lifted his hand, which caused no reaction at all. Steve exhaled deeply and decided to silently count to four and then address him.

One

Two

Th...

Tony sauntered into the kitchen, deep, dark circles under his eyes and dressed in worn out jeans, a tank top and so many grease stains that it probably counted as clothing. But most importantly he did so in obvious obliviousness of Bucky's state. Steve bit his tongue and violently shook his head in hopes of stopping Tony from doing anything sudden or loud.

"What... ?", he exclaimed before getting the hint, shutting up and looking closer at Bucky. The latter started violently before falling into hectic but controlled action. He looked around with rapidly moving eyes, fumbled for weapons that weren't in their assigned places and probably sorted every object and person in the room into a list of possible threats.

Steve got ready to jump into a brawl if necessary when Tony snapped his fingers and spoke up again: "Barnes, this is no way to keep your surroundings and you should be aware of that. Clean up the mess and tell me when you are done!" His tone was not angry, but firm and unforgiving.

While Steve was busy being surprised at the harsh reaction, Bucky calmed down immediately. His back was still tense, but the fumbling and looking around stopped. His eyes went to the broken cup. "Yes", he said barely audible, went over to a cabinet to grab a hand broom, dustpan and rag and started to clean up with mechanical movements. When Steve looked up again, Tony had left the kitchen.

When the surprise had left him, Steve felt anger flooding through him. Due to some miracle, this whole thing had not blown up into anyone's face, but where Tony's reaction had come from was a mystery to him. He had not expected Tony and Bucky to become best friends, but simply ignoring someone's panic attack and making them clean the floor instead was a higher level of animosity than he would ever have guessed. "Buck, you don't have to do that", he said cautiously. Bucky continued to brush shards onto the dustpan, not even sparing him a glance. "You know that, right?"

When still nothing happened, Steve went over and grabbed Bucky's shoulder. "You really don't have to do this. The cleaning bot can just come by and sweep it up. I don't even know, why Tony said this to you."

At the touch Bucky had turned his head up to stare at Steve's lips and gone completely still again. His eyes followed every twitch and every change in Steve's expression and seemed to read his lips while he was also listening. Then he waited and proceeded to stare silently. He still wasn't back completely.

"Come on", Steve said softly. "Let it be, come with me and give yourself time to calm down."

More staring. If that was what was necessary, Steve would stare him down.

After several silent moments, Bucky turned back down and mumbled: "I have to clean this up."

Steve felt a tinge of confusion, but mostly he was seething with anger. Whatever had gotten into Tony, as soon as Bucky was feeling better, Steve would have some words with him.

He waited until Bucky had finished his ridiculous work. Ridiculous was more fitting of a word than Steve had primarily expected, because after picking up the big shards, sweeping up the small ones and moping up the remaining coffee Bucky went to the sink, wrung out the rag, soaked it with water and proceeded to rub away the remaining shade from the tiles. After another futile attempt to persuade Bucky that this was completely unnecessary, Steve leaned in the doorway, crossed his arms and scowled.

All the while Bucky carefully rinsed off the rag, wrung it out again, neatly put away the dustpan and hand broom and hung the rag over the edge of some bucket that was stored in the same cabinet. When he headed for the door, Steve blocked the way.

"Hey", Steve said. "Now that this is dealt with, do you want some company? Something to occupy your mind?"

Bucky stared at him in complete, utter confusion. "I have to report", he countered, as if that would explain anything and looked expectantly.

Steve felt a sudden urge to shake his friend and shout into his face, that he didn't have to do shit, no matter what had bitten Tony to order people around like that. He settled for pinching the bridge of his nose. Bucky was for a fact still only minutes away from his last shock. If telling Tony about some broken cups was what he wanted to do, it was probably the best for everyone to let him. Steve stepped aside and Bucky strode through the door and down the corridor with firm, fast steps. Steve followed him. Whatever was going on here, leaving Bucky alone didn't seem like a good idea.

Moments later they stepped into the elevator. Bucky shot him insecure glances every now and then. Apart from that, he blankly looked at the story numbers gliding by. Without looking over, he stated: "You're following me."

Steve tried to make something of that. He rolled around the statement, looking for a hidden prompt or accusation but pulled a blank. "Yes", he concluded.

"Why?", Bucky asked.

"To make sure you're ok?"

After staring at the floor for a few moments, Bucky nodded jerkily and proceeded to watch the softly glowing, blue numbers until they stopped in what Steve knew to be Tony's personal living area. Apparently they were awaited, or else they would have had to wait for JARVIS to get confirmation that they could come in. The door opened and Bucky fell back into his firm stride, passing through the living room into a hallway and finally stopping in front of a door. He knocked.

"This is ridiculous", Steve whispered, mainly to himself. He was tempted to tell Bucky how he didn't have to take any of this, but kept his mouth shut. Later. And later Tony would get a piece of Steve's mind.

On the cue of a damped "Come in!", Bucky opened the door, stepped inside and shut it into Steve's face. Steve blinked a few times, stared at the door and eventually decided that for someone who had not even had breakfast yet he had really had enough. He rolled his eyes and opened the door.

Apparently Bucky had been talking, because the last sound of a syllabus came from him before he could fall silent. He stood with his back to the door, facing Tony who was sitting behind an enormous beige desk in an equally impressive light brown office chair, his feet propped up on the desk.

Steve might have opened the door with more force than strictly speaking necessary and Tony had flinched violently at that. Now that he got his composure back, he sighed. "For fuck's sake, Rogers, way to give me a heart attack in the early morning."

Steve took two steps into the room before blurting out: "I don't give a rat's ass about anyone's heart attacks until you have told me what the hell is going on here!"

Upon his loud and harsh tone, Bucky had turned around. Now he stepped directly into Steve's space and, while strangely keeping his eyes fixed on some point behind Steve's left shoulder, said lowly: "Steve, please leave us alone. I got this. It's fine."

Steve stared at Bucky incredulously. "Bucky, this is... you don't have to listen to him. I know this is his tower and all, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything he says."

Bucky blinked a few times and stared at Steve, eyes wide and searching for something. Then he turned his head around to look at Tony, who all but jumped out of his chair, walked over, took Steve by his elbow and guided him away from Bucky. "Look, Capsicle, I know you are meaning well, but you have to leave." Tony threw a glance back at Bucky, who was now pressing eyes shut and silently mouthing words. "And by that I mean you have to leave right now."

Steve tried to stutter a comeback, but he didn't actually know what to say. He had seen Bucky break down once today and had stood next to him helplessly. Right now the guy looked like he was barely keeping it together and Steve didn't have any better clue what to do than earlier. Before he could make a decision, Tony had half guided half shoved him out and shut the door. And locked it. Steve slammed his fist against the door. "Tony! Open up that fucking door and give me a god damn answer!", he shouted.

"Captain Rogers, I think I should inform you, that your current volume and tone is upsetting Sargent Barnes", JARVIS announced from the ceiling.

"Then tell me", Steve pressed through his teeth, "what the everloving fuck Tony is doing in there!"

"I am afraid, analysing the current situation is not within my abilities. I am not too familiar with the more subtle nature of human interaction, so all I can tell you is that Sargent Barnes is being told about the consequences of damaging property."

"This is still about a fucking cup?", Steve asked incredulously. He was slightly impressed and disappointed that his stare had not burnt a whole into the door by now.

"It appears", JARVIS confirmed. "But as I said: I presume that I am missing out on some more human parts of the conversation."

Steve calmed his breathing. He really wanted to shout at JARVIS for telling him off, but the butler was pretty much bound to whatever Tony prefered and thus hardly to blame. "Ok. Alright, I'll... I guess I'll wait and see. And maybe later strangle Tony."

"I have to admit that I am slightly concerned by hearing someone threaten Master Stark's life in such an openly aggressive tone", JARVIS remarked.

Being confronted with what he had in fact just said made Steve think about it again and his anger deflated into a pile of sorrow. This was stupid. Tony could be an asshole beyond compare when he aimed for it, but certainly he didn't hate Bucky that much. It just didn't make sense. None of it did. There had to be something Steve didn't see, but as it seemed, he wouldn't find out about it right now. He sighed.

"I guess I lost it there, JARVIS. I was not literally planning to kill Tony. But thanks for reminding me. Might as well get breakfast", he mused and started to walk back to the elevator.

"A slightly weird but most welcome change of directions, Captain."

 

Unsurprisingly the next day Tony proved his skills at avoiding people in his own home. Steve hoped to maybe get Bucky to shed some light onto the whole affair. He knocked at Bucky's apartment door and tried to get together some words to get to the topic.

When Bucky opened the door, Steve's mind went blank. Why had he even thought that this would be a good idea to talk to Bucky about such an obviously upsetting situation only one day later? Bucky stood upright, his hair was still damp from the shower and he was smiling, but at the same time the left corner of his mouth twitched irregularly, there was a wrinkle between his brows that refused to smooth down and his left hand was slightly denting the door where he gripped it. All in all, he put up a good show, but on a second glance didn't look all that stable. If Steve really wanted answers, he'd have to get Tony out of his rabbit hole or wait for a few days.

"Hi Buck! I was just wondering, um, you up for watching something? I found a TV series that I thought you'd like."

"Sure. Nothing planned today, so if you want, we could start now", Bucky said, opened the door a bit further and stepped aside. Steve shot him a smile and got inside.

 

 

Years of practice and probably a helpful AI had lead to Tony not getting into Steve's reach for four days now. Something had to happen. Bucky seemed to do a lot better by now, but he was also in rather good mood and that was something Steve didn't really want to take away from him. Especially not when he could just as well lay it out on Tony.

All of that ran through Steve's mind while he had a good chance to land a nice swing at Bucky's exposed left side. But anger wasn't a good coach and when he managed to push the thought of Tony commanding Bucky to clean the floor aside, he had already missed his target.

"Hey", Bucky hollered while shuffled back, "Just because you're a beefcake now doesn't mean you have to pull your punches. Since when do you go easy on me? Afraid I might break?"

Steve shook his head. Of course. Panic aside, this was still Bucky. He'd flat out say it if Steve crossed a line. He went back into defence position and started prancing around. "What the hell was that in the communal kitchen with Tony on Thursday?", he asked before he could overthink it again.

Bucky seemed to think for a moment and then straightened up, all easy sparring posture gone. "What are you asking?"

Steve's mouth went dry. Maybe it was still too early. Why had he asked? He came up from his fighting stance as well and decided to push further. Bucky wasn't some damn snowflake. "I wanted to ask Tony, but he makes an art of avoiding me. I'd really like to know why the two of you shooed me out like I had swallowed a time bomb. And why Tony behaved so harsh in first place."

Bucky swallowed and tried to withstand Steve's gaze for a while. Eventually he looked down at his hands and started to undo the first bandage. "If I say it was nothing you won't believe me, right?", he asked flatly.

Shit. If Bucky even considered covering it up, something was wrong. Really, really wrong. "Damn straight I won't", Steve confirmed. "So, tell me?"

Bucky chewed at his lip and looked at Steve's feet. "Ok, it's not nothing, but it's nothing you have to worry about. Really."

"I hope you know that every affirmation that I don't have to worry about something sounds more like you are in trouble well over your head", Steve joked. Well, it wasn't exactly joking. Telling each other not to worry was what they both actually did when shit was about to hit the fan.

"Yeah, I know. I'm not stupid Stevie. It's just -" Bucky had started with the second bandage, looking at his hands again, but now he was just kneading the fabric between his fingers. He lifted his chin as if to brace for something and admitted: "Yes, it's big and important and maybe even something to worry about, but I got this Steve. Seriously, I'm fine."

Steve was at a loss there. When Bucky had zeroed in on doing something on his own, there pretty much never was a way to change that. Maybe, if he made clear, that he'd leave it to the two men to resolve whatever was going on on their own, Steve would at least be able to get enough information out of Bucky to be at least somewhat at ease. That sounded like the way to go.

And then Bucky let his half-smile drop. His face closed up and he looked straight into Steve's eyes. "No, screw this. I'm not fine, but this my past and what I went through and right now I don't think rolling it out completely for someone would be very helpful. Not even bearable. Some day I'll tell you. Until then, please just leave this to me."

There was no question or other option and Bucky left the gym. Not in a haste, but fast enough that Steve would have had to call him back to continue the conversation. Whatever was going on with Tony had to be personal. So personal that Bucky apparently wanted to win or fail only on his own, no matter what. Wanted so hard, that he wouldn't even risk telling Steve anything.

There wasn't an awful lot of potential for fights between Bucky and Tony, though. They had barely known each other for a few weeks. Half a year if you counted the two times they met each other before Bucky moved into Stark Tower, but there had been absolutely no point of contact between them before.

Steve took a long, hot shower and waited for the calming effect. It did nothing to slow down his rampaging thoughts and afterwards he ended up staring at his tablet and scrolling through records of contact between Sargent James Barnes and the Stark family. Tony wasn't too fond of his parents, but that was really the only thing that came to Steve's mind as a possible joint.

Bucky had been on good terms with Howard and Steve knew from experience that mentioning his father towards Tony in the wrong way and at the wrong time could get you out of his good terms pretty easily. But 'out of his good terms' had meant sassy remarks, constant underestimation and temporary denial of Steve's existence. Never open animosity or degradation.

Two hours later Steve was tossing and turning in his bed. Eventually he found the one right position to doze off. Right as he relaxed into the random snippets of thoughts that floated loosely through his mind before sleep would come, it hit him in the face like a wet towel. His eyes flew open and he stared at the ceiling for several minutes. He had only looked through Bucky's files. The Winter Soldier's reconstructed records were kept in a separate folder, because some therapist had requested this separation to help Bucky distinct between what he had done and what HYDRA had done through him.

Which was good thinking and probably even helped to some degree, but it couldn't erase the fact that the very same man who had recently moved into Tony's home had also fired that shots that had killed Howard and Maria Stark.


	2. You're Not Fine, Damnit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It would all be a lot easier if people just told Steve about their issues and let him help them. He's trying. He's really trying to clean up this mess and stick to non-violent, cooperative solutions. He can be understanding, god damnit, so why is everyone trying to shut him out? Why can't Bucky trust him? Why can't they admit that sometimes getting help from a third party is a good idea? It's not that hard!
> 
> Or is it?

It took another two days until they had an Avengers meeting and Steve could confirm that Tony was still alive. He could also get out a few moments early and managed to corner Tony, who tried to slip away again. But this time it wouldn't happen. It wasn't as if Steve wanted to bash his head in. Certainly Tony would see that Bucky really wasn't the one to blame. It just needed a few words and now that Steve knew what was going on, he felt pretty confident that he could provide these words.

"Hey Tony", Steve said and caught up with a few faster steps.

Tony stopped from his attempts at walking down the hall as if he hadn't realized Steve was there. He turned around and flashed his best faux smile. So he knew what was going to come, he probably knew why and where he was in the wrong and simply needed a little slap on the wrist. And Steve might just skip the part where he read Tony's sins to him. "Hi, Steve. Anything I can do for you?", he asked and almost managed to cover the unnerved strain in his voice.

Straight to the case. Might as well do that. "Look", Steve began. Why hadn't he prepared any words for this. "That thing between you and Bucky, that's... well, I talked to him about it and I guess I understand where this is coming from, but I think you are working on wrong assumptions here."

So maybe Tony had not known exactly what this was all about, at least judging by the series of emotions that flickered over his face before he got a hold of himself again. But he ditched the faux smile, so he understood that Steve was serious, and had the decency to look concerned. "Oh, wow. I'll be honest here and admit that I didn't expect him to tell you."

"I'm his best friend since before WWII, there isn't a whole lot Bucky doesn't trust me with", Steve shot back.

"Well, figures", Tony granted and slid his tongue over his bottom lip. "Anyway, I don't think working on assumptions cuts it, because we had really lengthy talks about it and I try my best not to assume anything without fact checking. You know, scientist genius and all that stuff." Tony's eyes flickered away for a moment and he took a deep breath before continuing: "I don't know if you're aware of that, but Barnes and I, we were in contact before he moved into the tower."

"Yes, of course", Steve blocked. He had no idea why Tony sounded like he was confessing something new and looked like he wanted to make a run for it. So far the conversation was a bit weird, but went rather smoothly. "You were there when SHIELD took him in and at least twice to make sure they didn't fuck up his new prosthetic when he still lived at the Carrier."

"That is... part of it", Tony said slowly while turning some business card he must have found in his pocket around in his hand and bending it around his finger. "You know me, Cap, and you know that getting me into a room with someone and make me stay there to check on something will end in me talking that person's ear off. For a matter of fact, I sometimes do that in empty rooms, too. You didn't hear that, ok? What I want to say is, I have met him there more than twice and we started talking about very grave stuff."

Steve swallowed. Grave stuff as a summary for killing someone's parents sounded like the understatement of the year, but then again... "I thought so. I mean, as I said, he tells me almost anything, but he didn't go into details there. He just said, he didn't want me to get involved and that he got this."

Tony looked away for a moment, eyes almost comically wide. "It kind of surprises me that this came up all together, but for what it's worth: I'd also prefer if you didn't get involved. I mean, I see what it must look like from the outside, but this is all totally in control."

"In control?", Steve asked and realized moments later that he must have forgotten to close his mouth after speaking. "To me it looked like you verbally beat him up over breaking a cup and spilling coffee."

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. "What did you expect this to look like? That's what I did! That is what he practically asked for. Not literally of course, but you know what I mean."

"Asked for?", Steve asked incredulously. This was more of a moral pit than he had ever imagined to find. "No, I think I don't know what you mean, Tony. To me it sounds like you are blaming him for something he never did!" The sound of his voice rolled through the long hallway and Steve reminded himself to either get this to a more private location or lower his volume.

Tony dropped his head slightly, shut his eyes and started rubbing circles over his left temple and slipped the card back into his pocket. After a moment he looked up again, his face contorted almost like he was suffering. He placed a hand on Steve's shoulder before he continued. "Steve. Other people have gone through similar things, so this debate isn't new at all and if you ask five people about it, you'll get six different opinions and one who doesn't even care. As incredible as it sounds: Barnes and me, we are on the same page here. This whole thing is not about blaming anyone, it's about dealing with things and the cognitive knowledge that something isn't someone's fault is very different from, you know, not feeling guilt. Maybe guilt isn't even the right word here. More of a longing for redemption."

So to sum it up, Tony was angry at Bucky and since Bucky still felt guilty - which wasn't surprising at all - apparently both were totally okay with having a little battle over it. A battle which was undoubtedly in the favour of the guy who provided everyone's housing, gear and pretty much everything Bucky could call his own. "With all the people I know", Steve hissed, "I never would have expected you to stand in for any such kind of immoral bullshit. Maybe I can't stop this now, but I will. You better believe, I will."

Before he could give in to the urge of hitting Tony square in the face, Steve turned around and stomped off. He'd have to talk Bucky out of this. And if that didn't work, maybe he'd have to get the entire matter to SHIELD. Whatever twisted view had wound its way into Tony's head, it couldn't stay there. Or at least it should be ensured that he couldn't act upon it.

 

 

At least everybody else seemed to know nothing about the whole mess as well. From the look on her face, Natasha heard all of that for the very first time and if she hadn't seen it, nobody had. She was still looking it him perfectly motionless, probably waiting in case he wanted to continue, but for now he didn't know what else to say. They sat on the bank in the gym silently for seemingly endless seconds.

"Who would have guessed", Natasha concluded eventually and surprisingly calm. "I never would have assumed they were fighting about something, but yes, Tony's tone towards James has often been rough. But James really isn't the one to shut up and endure something like that, is he?"

That was another thing that bothered Steve. But then again - "Normally not, no. But he might have changed and after all, as much as we tend to forget about it: Tony has power over us. He never used it for any kind of control, but if he suddenly decided to go against SHIELD, he could give them a really hard time. If he decided to go against us... we wouldn't stand -" Steve carded through his hair, rubbed his hands over his face and pressed on his eyes for a moment. "Hell, that's not even what I want to say. I don't think he's plotting anything against anyone. It's just -" He took another short break to look at his feet. "If he tried to get revenge on Bucky, Bucky would be the first one to cover it up and try to get through it on his own because he doesn't want to drag anyone into his shit."

Natasha tilted her head. "Sounds familiar. I may know a couple of guys like that." Steve snorted. Of course she was right. That described just about everyone who was living in this tower except for maybe... no, really. Everyone. "But go on", she prompted, nudging his thigh with her knee encouragingly.

"On the other hand, if Tony decided to use just a shred of the power he can execute, Bucky has no chance. Aside from physical strength, Tony outranks him by far in every way." Steve started counting off at his fingers: "Money, social contacts, influence in SHIELD business and politics, bonds to literally every person Bucky knows aside from me. And as soon as Tony gets his hands on a suit, I wouldn't even want to bet on physical strength. On top of it all, Tony sounded as if Bucky felt like he needed to redeem something. So really, if Tony wants revenge for his parents, right now he's not only holding a royal flush, he owns the damn casino with Bucky as his waiter."

Natasha gave him a wry smile to that remark, but otherwise stayed serious. "Hm. One would think, Tony is above getting petty revenge on someone who is neither at fault nor a threat, but people with parents can be pretty damn emotional about them, so - I wouldn't say it's impossible. What are you going to do now?"

Steve couldn't hold back a desperate, hollow burst of laughter. "If only I knew", he whined. "I thought about talking to Bucky again, try to get this stupid guilt out of his head. But seeing that this is what SHIELD's therapists are trying for months now, I don't see much of a chance there." He looked up into her face. "You know, the total lack of ideas is pretty much why I told you all of this."

"I see", she hummed. "So far I have no miraculous solution for this, but I'll see what I can find out or come up with. For now I'd say: Expect the best and be prepared for the worst. I wouldn't want to put anyone's head on the block only to find out later that it was all a giant mistake, but if it all blows up, we'll have to jump in. I'll keep my eyes open and if you see anything urgent, let me know, okay?"

That was apparently the best Steve could get right now. He nodded and stared on some point close to her feet, trying to process the situation. After a minute of companionable silence she gently squeezed his shoulder, nodded at him and went for the showers.

 

 

Since his talk with Natasha, Steve felt a lot more collected about this whole ordeal. He wasn't alone with his burning knowledge anymore, it had apparently not all been only in his head and if something happened, he could count on her as backup. Also, keeping her eyes open with her basically came down to open and active espionage, so his job now really was to make sure, nothing blew up until she had found out enough for them to come up with a plan of action.

How Tony could end up with such a fucked up view was still a mystery, but they would figure it out.

It still seemed like a good idea to talk to Bucky. Maybe he could achieve something, so he went off to the elevator. When he pressed the according button, JARVIS announced: "Sargent Barnes is currently not available, I'm afraid. Would you like to get to his floor either way?

There was really not a lot Steve was up for today and he really wanted to get this over with. "Do you know if he'll be back anytime soon, JARVIS?", he asked.

"I'd assume from his plans, that would be in about an hour or two, Captain."

"Might as well wait there, then", Steve concluded. He still had to go through some reports, but with the modern blessing of smart phones, he could as well do it there. Also, since Tony apparently had at some point strewn an almost priceless art collection over the tower completely at random, the foyer of Bucky's floor by chance contained one of the cubist Mondrians, which was quite frankly the style Steve often wished he could paint, but somehow he never managed to get away from realism.

And while waiting in front of Bucky's door maybe seemed a little weird, he wouldn't be able to settle down somewhere with the possibility of missing him anyway.

When he stepped out of the elevator, he already whipped out his phone and skipped through the documents, eventually finding the latest reports. While the first was loading, he looked up at the painting. It must have been ages since he had taken the time to appreciate art only for its own sake. He had always wondered, how someone could just skip through styles like Mondrian had done. When Steve looked at his own old works, they mainly seemed to be rough attempts at what he had done recently. Which, frankly, was trying to get as close to reality, as charcoal and pencils allowed him. He tried to capture aspects of moments, but never seemed to manage to add something himself. Not like what he was looking at now. Something that made you have to guess the motive but made perfectly clear, what the artist wanted you to feel.

Steve's head snapped around. It almost sounded like very low, muffled sounds coming out of Bucky's apartment. "JARVIS", he addressed, "Didn't you say Bucky wasn't here?"

"I'm sorry, that must have been a misunderstanding, Captain. Sargent Barnes is in fact in his apartment, but he advised me that he didn't want to be disturbed for a while."

"Oh", Steve said, slightly embarrassed. He probably shouldn't be hearing... well, whatever was going on in there. It sounded like a private thing. Muffled, because the walls here were almost sound proof, but Steve's enhanced senses could still pick up the louder parts. Might as well call it what it was. Moans. They weren't stuffed into a small flat in Brooklyn any more, so if Bucky wanted to be not disturbed, Steve should grant him privacy.

Two steps towards the elevator he froze. Something was off. People moaned during, well, certain pleasing activities, but this didn't sound comfortable. More like fearful and tortured. A cold shiver ran down Steve's spine. He imagined Bucky on his couch, tossing around, trying deliberately to wake up from some trauma induced nightmare. He stepped closer to the door and slid his phone back into his pocket. Sure, he had said, he didn't want to be disturbed, but it was hardly in Bucky's interest to leave him to this.

Steve's hand hovered in front of the door. He could ask JARVIS to try to wake Bucky. That way, he wouldn't have to literally ignore Bucky's request for privacy. On the other hand, JARVIS had a habit of following instructions to a fault, which really was no surprise for an AI butler, and he had been advised to keep Bucky undisturbed, so he'd probably not comply. Also, a bodyless voice calling out for you, familiar or not, might not be the best way to wake someone up from nightmares about HYDRA.

Something else captured Steve's attention. The moans had subsided, but there was a voice and it wasn't Bucky's. He waited another moment to make sure he wasn't mistaken.

When the voice spoke up again, too muffled to make out words, he was sure. This was Tony.


	3. You Never Know

He didn't even take the time to come up with possible scenarios that could be going on behind that door. Without preamble, Steve kicked in the lock. A burst of pain flared up in his foot. Kicking door knobs with nothing but slippers on your feet wasn't the best idea, not even for supersoldiers, and he'd feel that for at least a day, but right now it hardly mattered. The door swung open and Steve was rewarded with a sight that made his stomach drop and freeze into a churning lump.

The first room upon entering the apartment was the living room, that Steve knew pretty well by now. With all the dark, wooden furniture, the leather couch and the beige, subtly patterned wallpapers it was one of the few not deliberately modern and industrial looking rooms in the tower.

The entire nostalgia inducing view was disturbed now by what seemed to be a bare steel chair upon which Bucky was sitting, his chest pressed to the backrest and facing away from Steve. Half leaning over him was indeed Tony, who now stared at Steve in bewilderment. Bucky on the other hand didn't turn around, but due to him being topless, Steve could see the muscles all the way down his back tighten in one sudden twitch. The spasm dragged the metal chair to the side for an inch or two, causing a nauseating screeching sound on the tiles that surrounded the artificial fire place it was standing next to.

Steve was still frozen in shock. This, by all means, was not what he had expected. Until just that day he wouldn't even have thought Tony to be interested in a dirty vendetta about misplaced guilt, but this blew everything out of proportion and fed the simmering anger he had kept down into a roaring flame.

What snapped him out of his rigor was the movement of Tony turning around and, with a deep sigh, dropping some metallic, medical looking instrument he must have been holding outside Steve's view so far, into the next armchair.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but before he could so much as make a sound, Steve had already hauled himself at him over the table and with two quick movements he had pinned Tony down, face pressed into the floor and one arm barred on his back for good measure.

"What the fuck, Rogers", he exclaimed slightly slurred due to his cheek being captured between his teeth and the tiles.

Steve had to get a hold on himself before he could speak. Also he had to get a hold on himself to not bash Tony's head against the floor repeatedly. After letting out one, pressed breath, he managed to say: "Good job. Until today I honestly thought you were one of the good guys." With a vague wave into Bucky's direction he spat: "This? That's nothing I ever would have expected from you. Not from Tony Stark and much less from the Iron Man."

The one eye Steve could see widened and the eyebrow above it tilted in a frown. "Steve, I thought you were just concerned about safety questions, but I begin to feel like there was some -"

Whatever came after that never reached Steve's brain. With a massive bang of pain in his head, his vision shut down and his entire body went slack and the floor tilted. He never felt the impact.

He couldn't have been out for more than a blink before he realized that he was lying on his right side and pressed to the floor. When he managed to open his eyes and saw the world around go sharp again he identified what pressed him down to be Bucky, holding up the metal chair and his eyes ripped wide open. His teeth were bared and every inch of his face was contorted with rage. Steve's head felt like it head been stuck into a church bell but he had a distinct feeling, that the first time had been a sloppy hit. If Bucky crashed that thing down on him from that position, he may not have to worry about headaches again.

Steve shouted: "Bucky, no!", and saw a flicker of doubt in the eyes of the addressed, before Tony stepped up to them, splayed a hand over Bucky's nape and whispered into his ear: "Stop right there." It was only for his enhanced hearing that Steve could make out the words, but the tone was once again commanding and unrelenting.

For a long, agonizing moment absolutely nothing happened. Then Tony retreated his hand, pulled out and opened a small chain around his neck, took a key from it and unlocked the cuffs that linked Bucky to the backrest of the chair. It took a few moments for Steve to realize, why this wasn't just unexpected but looked absolutely surreal. Bucky didn't move. He was holding what had to be at least 40 pounds of metal raised over his head, his thighs locking Steve's arms to his torse and didn't move in the slightest.

What made it truly frightening was that his gaze slowly went back to normal. A moment ago his pupils had been too small and his eyes opened up too wide. Now they were looking down at Steve, sometimes flickering over to Tony, but the entire time looking hurt and sad. His teeth were still bared, but his expression relaxed at least a little. 

All the while Tony was prying Bucky's hands open, lifting out the chair and putting it down. Steve realized that his mouth must have hung open the entire time. He swallowed and said: "Ok, what the hell is going on here?"

Apparently he was deemed unworthy of an answer. Tony leaned back into Bucky's space, cupped the other man's right cheek and looked him into the eyes. All the while Bucky's arms were still raised, his hands half closed around thin air, but his eyes flicked back and forth between Tony's left and right.

"Tony?", Steve tried again after a while.

Tony didn't turn around and sounded so calm that Steve needed a moment to realize that he was in fact answering to the request: "There is a shitton of answers I want from you but right now, I swear to god, if you don't shut up until this is handled, I'll make sure you won't get a hot shower in this tower for the next year."

Steve let out a strangled noise, less due to the threat and more because he really felt at a loss at what to do, but apparently it had sounded like compliance well enough. When Tony next spoke, it was clearly directed at Bucky. "Hey", he whispered, "You there?" For long moments nothing happened and Steve pressed his lips together, being painfully aware of the absurdity of how he was squeezed in between three thighs, seeing one end of what seemed to be the weirdest staring contest ever and waiting for some unknown event.

Eventually some communication must have happened, because Tony stroked with both thumbs over Bucky's cheek bones and said: "It's ok. Come back, Inverno."

A shudder rippled through Bucky's body and he pressed his face into Tony's shoulder. The two men made an oddly complicated dance of standing up without letting go of each other for as much as an inch. When they stood, Bucky tiredly lifted his head and looked down at Steve. "I'm s-" His voice broke and raw hurt seemed to burst out of his eyes.

Tony grabbed his head on both sides and pulled it back to face him. "Eyes on me! Don't care about him, he'll be fine. Forget about him until you feel better. Do you hear me?" He waited for a moment. Steve assumed that not moving was the best he could do and stayed on the ground for now. After a few seconds of the two man staring into each others eyes some more, Bucky closed his. Tony seemed to count that as a victory.

"Good. C'mere." He slung his arms around Bucky, which looked a bit comical for the height difference but otherwise very comfortable. "Let me just send Steve away and then I can get you back, okay?", he asked in a shushed tone. The words stirred something in Steve. He had felt weird and like he had landed in some sureal dream ever since he had opened the door, but now it all fell away and he felt like an intruder. Whatever this was, he wasn't supposed to see it. Some unknown time earlier he had shied away from what he had thought to be Bucky masturbating. Whatever it was, this here seemed far more intimate. And Steve was still sitting on the ground and staring like the dumb meatball he was.

"No", Bucky mumbled. "It's... no, talk. And ignore me. Attention feels exhausting right now, so talk. Just... touch me?"

"Whatever you want, dollface", Tony confirmed. When Bucky's head rested on the shorter man's shoulder again, they started a weird dance of Tony nudging Bucky's feet forward in tiny steps until they reached the sofa. Bucky all but collapsed on it and Tony took it on himself to rearrange them both. In the end he was seated comfrotably at one end, Bucky stretched across the full length with his face burried in Tony's stomach and his back facing Steve. With Tony's hand carding through his hair rhythmically, he looked a bit like a really big and really lazy cat. And with the occasional tremor going through his shoulders and back, maybe also the saddest one.

Steve silently and carefully got to his feet. He looked around and still felt more embarrassed than the first time he had accidentally run into a topless chorus girl. Then Tony closed his eyes before slowly lifting his head to face him. Steve raised a hand to gesture at the door and opened his mouth, but Tony cut him off: "You heard the man. Sit down." His voice was neutral, but Steve had rarely seen him look so exhausted. "We have to talk. Might as well do it now", Tony concluded.

Steve carefully padded over to the closest arm chair. He managed to be almost soundless, even though his foot hurt like hell. He still felt misplaced, but he had been asked to stay. Slowly he lowered himself down into the cushions. Equally slowly he pulled out something beneath himself that poked uncomfortably into his butt cheek. A weird looking, metallic contraption that would look like something out of a hospital if not for the leather straps.

"Um, I'll just put this... ", he lowered the thing onto the coffee table while looking at Tony questioningly.

Tony licked his lips and opened and closed his mouth once before bursting out: "This gag. It's a... gag. God, Steve, I might even be ready to tell you about our completely fucked up and creepy sounding power dynamics, but don't ever ask me about kink toys that I use on your childhood friend. It feels like explaining anal sex to my mother."

Steve stared at the table and felt the blush creep up into his hair. "Ok", he mumbled. He didn't even know what was worse - imagining any kind of situation that combined Bucky, Tony and a gag or thinking about explaining anal sex to a mother-person. Trying to weigh these up against one another probably turned his face at least two shades of red darker, so he pushed it all aside and looked back up at Tony. He cleared his throat and managed to continue: "So, um, sorry for being here." Way to get this conversation started. Gladly Tony was a bit more skilled in that department.

"Right", Tony began, lifting one eyebrow as if to acknowledge that Steve currently seemed to be in no state to strike up serious talk. Then he pushed aside all mockery and continued honest and serious: "As you may have guessed by now, what is going on between Bucky and me is a certain kind of d-s-relationship" - at that Steve looked puzzled enough to make Tony explain - "a relationship that is based upon an artifical power dynamic, where one partner has significant und unquestioned dominance over the other and in return is trusted to treat this dominance with the uttermost respect, to make sure the submissive partner feels not only controlled but also safe."

Safe. That seemed more than a bit questionable to Steve, so he decided to ask about the most eye catching thing that didn't seem exactly safe: "Safe like bleeding scratches? Like, do you mean this was planned?"

Tony had the decency to take a concerned look at Bucky's back before turning back with an almost amused smile. "I wouldn't call it planned", he mused, "Accepted Risk would be a more apt description." When Steve shot him an unnerved look, Tony turned serious again and elaborated: "Really, that's it. Pain is not necessarily part of what we do, but sometimes it gets rough and that's agreed upon. So it was not exactly an intended effect that I caused these scratches when I dragged him over the edge of the floor tiles, but it was not like I didn't know it. And if he had told me to stop, I would have. We have ways to tell each other to stop."

While all of this answered a lot of Steve questions, it made even more come up and he couldn't even word any of them right now. The way his mouth hang half open must have been a hint since eventually Tony picked up the previous train of thought again: "This power dynamic of ours is, as I said, artificial, so it is not necessarily a constant thing but rather restricted to certain periods of time and is a very intimate thing. Like sex, one might say, and in many cases of d-s-relationships it is closely connected to and mixed with sex." He looked down at Bucky, frowning. "In our case, it's... not." Bucky hummed something and Tony seemed to take this as a permission to go on. "We did that, too", he said, lower and more in thoughts than before, "but it never felt right to mix these two settings."

Then he looked back up at Steve. It still felt far too intimate, but Steve had been asked to stay, Tony was just talking and Bucky seemed to be able to protest if didn't want something disclosed, but he just stayed silent, didn't even sob anymore and only moved his right hand to roll around folds of Tony's shirt between his fingers. So as uncomfortable as it was, Steve felt obligated to stay and listen when Tony went on: "Since that seems to be what has set you off: The incident in the kitchen and the following interrogation was some kind of such power play. It was a hypnotic trick that makes him accept me as his superior and that overwrites the sometimes resurfacing traces of the Winter Soldier's mindset."

Tony looked back down and let his eyes travel over Bucky's body. His hand had stopped moving through the hair and was now twirling and bending a single strand. "Hypothetically I can snap him out of it after a very short time, but it's much more comfortable for him to come back slowly, so normally I try to play along for a while and that specific breakdown was of the harder kind."

"And I guess someone telling him that he doesn't have to listen to you is not exactly helpful", Steve tried.

"Right you are", Tony said so loudly, that Steve twitched a little from surprise. "Aside from that, you seemed to be pretty appalled by the idea of BDSM and I just took that as a fact, but now that I have layed out the probably most intimate and private part of my and probably Bucky's life in front of you, you seem to be quite accepting. And astonishingly far from trying to beat the shit out of me. So, if you grant me that question: What exactly did you think was going on?" The graveness from before was gone and replaced by something more forward. Almost aggressive.

And it did a good job to make Steve sink into his arm chair in embarrassment. All his previous assumptions in hindsight looked rather ridiculous and he thought feverishly about a way to word them that would make them less stupid and maybe a bit less blaming. The feeling of being a deer in headlights only got worse and he had a slight tinge of blood in his mouth, probably from biting his lip, so he pushed out the words before thinking about it any further: "I thought you hated Bucky because he..." Fuck, he couldn't say that. All shame aside, Bucky had spent hours and hours of therapy to wrestle down the guilt he felt about all the people HYDRA had killled through him. Steve tried again: "Because of the thing with... the ACCIDENT" - that was good - " with your parents, and because -"

Bucky huffed loudly. "Because I killed them", he deadpanned.

Tony startled and looked like someone had slapped him. He all but yanked Bucky's head up to make them face each other, his brows furrowed and with a clear death stare. "No", he said.

Steve's thoughts ran wild. Tony had to know about this. He hadn't just learned this now, had he? Steve had not just set off what he had feared all along with even more stupid assumptions. He gripped the arm rests tightly to jump up and do something. Anything, if this escalated.

"No, you didn't", Tony stated. There was no question, not even a sarcastic one. "You didn't kill them and you know it."

The sound of Bucky's throat constricting as he swallowed was loud enough to be heard across the room. Then he slowly repeated: "I didn't kill your parents and I know it."

Tony sighed and pressed Bucky's head to his chest. "You can always tell me that you still feel the guilt, but never say you did it, you hear me, cupcake?"

"Yes", Bucky murmered into the shirt. "And you never again call me cupcake, you hear me, angelface?"

Tony smiled and with that the last tension bled out of Steve. "Fair point", Tony granted.

"God, I'm such an asbolute pancake sometimes", Steve sighed.

"Couldn't have said it better, Rogers", Tony agreed. "A pancake with the very best intentions, but still."

It felt a bit like this was coming to an end, so Steve had to say this now: "Look, Tony, Bucky, I'm really sorry. I'd give you some kind of excuse, but the excuse is that I was a presumptuous bullhead and didn't listen to you. And that's not even an excuse, really. I'm just sorry."

For the following moments, Steve and Tony both stared at the somewhat zombie like show of Bucky standing up and waddling over to Steve. His eyes were red and puffy but otherwise he looked calm. Then he reached out with one hand.

When Steve took it, he was pulled up and hauled into a bear hug. "Stevie, you're something else. You realize that you just said sorry to the guy who tried to bash your head in with a steel chair, right?" Bucky was bantering again and that was probably one of the best signs to attest to his rising mood, so Steve - while not entirely convinced that Bucky was fine - decided to roll with it.

"One might say that if someone tried to bash in my head with a steel chair, I may have done something to provoke it", he joked.

Bucky's carefully crafted facade broke as fast as he had put it up and he slipped out of the embrace to look at the floor. "God damnit, Steve, I tried to kill you", he babbled, the words almost stumbling into each other. He turned back to Steve and went on: "I always knew that sub spaces can be weird, but that... it was... I don't even know, it's just that you attacked Tony and I didn't even realize it was you, it was just Tony and... he was in danger. And it made me angry and scared and..." He swallowed and gaped for a second. "And I never thought it could be that dangerous", he concluded in a whisper.

"Hey", Steve shushed and put his hands on Bucky's shoulders, "You were with Tony and Tony apparently could stop you. That looks like a fail safe if I ever saw one, so really. I barged in here and tackled down someone without preamble. You overreacted when you were in extreme distress, so I guess what you did was, well, maybe not ok, but very understandable."

Bucky's gaze travelled off to the ground. When the silence became almost unbearable, he mumbled: "'parently."

Tony, who had not moved at all since Bucky had stood up, softly asked: "Bucky? You good there?"

With a few rapid blinks and after shortly shaking his head, Bucky turned to look at him. "Yeah, thanks Tony, I'm g-" He didn't manage to finish before he broke out into roaring laughter. "Sorry", he wheezed in between. Steve had no idea what had set that off, but it took him completely by surprise. Bucky's laughter bounced through the room and all but swept away the pressing mood. Steve looked at him and smiled. Then he tried to figure out the reason.

It wasn't until Tony looked down at himself and threw his hands up in the air in fake despair, that Steve saw what this was all about. "One minute I'm the center of his world, the next minute he makes me look like I pissed myself", Tony lamented and tucked at his pants, wet from what had to be tears.

Still grinning widely, Bucky went over to him, placed a kiss on his head and hummed: "I love you." The he sauntered out of the room and shouted back at a sulking Tony: "And I'll get you some new pants."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing the draft I realized that I somehow left the Natasha-thing hanging in mid air. Basically I threw her in to have someone, Steve could explain his thoughts to. I have a loose idea of a short, slapstick kind of sequel with her that may see the light of day some time. We'll see.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you liked it!


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